I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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