what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Two words: blizzard sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
