So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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