Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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