She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize