well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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