Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize