My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
