i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
