glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
