Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
