Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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