Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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