Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
