i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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