Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im holly from the hills drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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