does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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