the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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