I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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