She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
