I got chris browned last night
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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