You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
