While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize