I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
