I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
