Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
