i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
