How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
