New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
