My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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