she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
