Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
