if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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