That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
