Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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