oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
