I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
