I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
