Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
