Soap is not a condiment
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
