i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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