I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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