I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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