Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
