Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize