I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
