i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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