There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
