i need an iv and a liver transplant
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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