And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
