The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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