Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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