Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
