trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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