I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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