This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
