All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize