I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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