and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
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Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
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We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.